Writers block villain

How to slay writers block

How can you have so many thoughts and so few words to say about them?

I should have been writing blog posts, event posts, website copy, articles … but it’s been a few days since I’ve written anything. I have been stuck, stopped, blocked. My mouse brains squeaks “Everyone else is so much better than me, so why bother?” And my lion heart roars “because I love it when it flows and anyway, I have a deadline to meet.”

After avoiding, worrying and mentally beating myself up, I often find the only way to get back in the flow is to write something – anything. So today my fictional villain is sharing a little tale about how a fat stripy cat and a deal with death helped me slay writers block.

The evil villain

Writers block villainOh how I long to walk into the sweet arms of my death. My demise, she promises me, will be spectacular.

Yes, your happy, kind and loving friend will slay me with the accuracy and precision of a highly skilled assassin. Are you surprised?

To be fair, I was given a choice. We fought over it for days. We tussled down country lanes and squabbled along tow paths. I pursued her on buses and trains and through the streets of London. I breathed down her neck and screamed in her ear while she puffed on her trendy vaping device, pretending to ignore me. At parties with friends and gatherings with family, I stole into each and every one of her quite moments. I was relentless; I was fighting for my life.

She fought back just as hard, in her own inimitable style – she calls it negotiating, though her style is to negotiating what Genghis Khan is to peace keeping. “You can take your psychological claptrap and keep it for your therapy clients”, I told her “you don’t fool me with your NLP”.

Still, she craftily enticed me early one morning while the sun shone and classical music drifted in from a neighbouring boat. As she sipped her third cup of coffee and stared unfocused at the laptop screen, I felt safe and contented. I took my eye off the bloody ball, didn’t I? I let something in.

A fat stripy cat launched itself from the hatch and landed on the keyboard… she laughed, she shoo-ed, she cheered (Eureka would you believe) and her fingers flew. In that moment of chaos the screen came to life and she charged straight through the blockade. I panicked and scanned the screen and there, just beyond the kitty garbage, she was writing about me and I was saying something NICE! I was spitting mad.

“Nice! Nice! I tell you – nice is for the supporting crew love, nice is for the scrawny guy who wants to be a hero. But who is it that makes him a hero? It’s me you stupid cow! It’s me who is the hero maker, the nation builder, the courage giver. I am NOT nice. I am gloriously bad, sadistically sinister, and monumentally murderous. Without a villain you will not have a hero, without war you will never know peace, without darkness there will be no light and without me there is no story.

Go ahead, have it your way you wretched woman – kill me. I choose death, but heed my words, I will be back. Maybe not in this guise and maybe not in this world, but I will be back. You need me. ”

The deal was done. She smiled.

Ahh, that feels so much better!  How do you deal with writers block?


One thought on “How to slay writers block

  1. If I’m stuck, I grab a few sheets of paper and hand write (scribble as I get going) a load of nonsense. Sometimes I’ll pick two things I can see such as my telephone and my handbag and start the story using those things.

    The telephone rang and startled me so much I dropped my handbag to the ground…

    Mostly it makes very little sense, it’s just getting the writing muscle going again. 🙂


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